A Homage To the One and Only...

I put together all my favorite lines for a column that's almost as cool as the originals:

"I'm lying on my stomach," I suddenly thought. "How peculiar."


Periodically I glanced over to watch my father, his muscles flexing, as he dressed the bit over a forge with sledgehammers before dropping it into the hole to drill. Massive paws told the story of his work ethic.

Maybe I had read too many thrillers, because this place reminded me of a vampire's lair.

I have the same complaint every time I put on a bra or hose, but I do it daily. Seriously, I would be just as happy with a cigar band. It's not that hard when everything is put in the closet accordingly.

But it would be even better if I could find a human muzzle.


One of our staff members recently said that it is hard curl up with a good lap top, and she is right. We might quarrel all day, but in the back of the pickup we were all smiles.

Nothing gives me more joy than that rowdy group of youngsters.


“Well, hell, boy," he said. "Don't you know how to shift?"

It was an impromptu response from a redneck-born, antisocial, non-diplomatic shrew. Since I cannot be tamed, it has become my signature line. A person like that has no idea what it is like to be caged inside your own body, living your own suddenly silent hell.


In fact, nothing in or about my room is sacred from the little "nibby nose." No one could ever convince Heather that she wouldn't look good in a feed sack. Puddin' needs to learn to share, but I think she is coming along nicely.

Most people think black is black. Color my world beautiful, because it is anything but dull.