there's nothing better

than introducing a new co-worker to the WONDER that is Cat Tales.

Her columns have been much more difficult to find lately, but when you succeed, it's like the winning world's greatest easter egg hunt.

We should create a Beginner's Guide to Wogan.

I think there is a market.

S.O.S.

It's been months and still there's no sign of our favorite columnist. I don't know where you are or what you're doing, but please come back to us.

It feels as if a little spark inside my soul has been extinguished without my weekly dose of family, humor and quotes.

Has she broken up with us? Is she trying to freeze us out with no communication?

Well I am starving and ready to come in from the cold, baby.

I am considering staging a sit in or some other kind of demonstration until we get our Cat back. Any suggestions?

I hope you're safe, happy and healthy, where ever you are C-Wo. We miss you.

MIA

Where has our favorite columnist gone? There has been no column within the last month to brighten our Thursdays and we here at Wogan's Heroes are very worried. It's been to long since we've heard from our dearest for it to be a vacation.

Where could she be? Has she given up the column to take care of the family farm? Has she succumbed to her need for privacy and retired to a cabin in Canada? Is she stuck in a dressing room at JC Penny's?! We don't know and we've even gone so far as to discuss the expenses of a search team, complete with divers and GPS.

We need our dose of Cat Tales and we need it now.

Jewels of the Literary World

How do I pick the best line from this week? I am completely clueless because there are so many.

So I will leave it up to the public:
A.) Like his father, he groaned, but he always showed up with a pickup truck.
B.) It was funny to see a 27-year-old laborer rolling up lacy socks and flattening panties.
C.) "Cool," he said, watching how the underwear disappeared in the folds.
D.) In fact, I am probably the only woman in the world who buys a car based on the size of its trunk.

Please help me, dear readers. For I have lost all sensation in my weekly awe and I cannot choose.

for those keeping track at home:

1. labyrinth's a.k.a. David Bowie's disease
2. deafness in left ear
3. 'morbid' obesity
4. tearing pain in knees
5. asthma
6. 'rapidly diminishing' vision

and now,

7.Alzheimer's

This one had a different flavor than the others. Overly self-deprecating. No bulky graphs of visual description, and again -- no quote lede.

Perhaps she is writing with summer's newfound looseness. It looks great on her.

A Homage To the One and Only...

I put together all my favorite lines for a column that's almost as cool as the originals:

"I'm lying on my stomach," I suddenly thought. "How peculiar."


Periodically I glanced over to watch my father, his muscles flexing, as he dressed the bit over a forge with sledgehammers before dropping it into the hole to drill. Massive paws told the story of his work ethic.

Maybe I had read too many thrillers, because this place reminded me of a vampire's lair.

I have the same complaint every time I put on a bra or hose, but I do it daily. Seriously, I would be just as happy with a cigar band. It's not that hard when everything is put in the closet accordingly.

But it would be even better if I could find a human muzzle.


One of our staff members recently said that it is hard curl up with a good lap top, and she is right. We might quarrel all day, but in the back of the pickup we were all smiles.

Nothing gives me more joy than that rowdy group of youngsters.


“Well, hell, boy," he said. "Don't you know how to shift?"

It was an impromptu response from a redneck-born, antisocial, non-diplomatic shrew. Since I cannot be tamed, it has become my signature line. A person like that has no idea what it is like to be caged inside your own body, living your own suddenly silent hell.


In fact, nothing in or about my room is sacred from the little "nibby nose." No one could ever convince Heather that she wouldn't look good in a feed sack. Puddin' needs to learn to share, but I think she is coming along nicely.

Most people think black is black. Color my world beautiful, because it is anything but dull.

Shudder

It seems we all fight the battle of the bulge....
Some of us just do it a bit more gracefully than others:
"I push, pull, jump and collapse backward on the bed just to budge the zipper a little. God forbid I have to make a pit stop in the lady's room and take the zipper down after I have finally forced it up."

One Way Ticket to Hell and Back

A truly uplifting column this week on learning to cope with being partially deaf.
Our hearts go out to you.

It is the adults who need to learn a few lessons in manners.

a secret message hidden for us?

I hope so.

this week's column ending should probably be added to our profile at the right:

----------------SPOLER ALERT---------------

"A person like that has no idea what it is like to be caged inside your own body, living your own suddenly silent hell."

Wha??

No comment.

Catty Mommy

I'm having trouble getting through this week's column. Is this a cry for help?

What kind of family laughs about a beating for 30 years? And the 'Mom protected us from the dangers of the dark Irishman' worry me too.

I think it's time to institute hug-therapy.

Woless another Week?

I'm crossing my fingers.....

Hopeful Heroes?

Please don't disappoint us this week. I don't think I could take it.

WOEgan's Heroes.

this is like some kind of medival punishment.

Booooo!

I feel sad and empty this week......:(

Howdy readers! Happysunshine Nothingswronghere here. Two more days till my favorite day of the week. Yay! I bet you all are waiting and excited too:)
I wanted to address a few complaints we've had. We've recently taken some flak for removing Don from this site, but we here at WH stand by our actions.
We never meant to offend anyone and only want to entertain and make everyone happy. At WH we strive to be a family-friendly site without any of those dirty flash ads that ask you to shave a woman's legs. That's just weird.
We also want to be honest and open and welcome any complaints or suggestions you may have for us.

A Note to Our Readers

We have gotten some complaints on Don and were trying to work with him, but sadly, last night Don exhibited great anger and acted irrationally. There may be public apologies.
We here at Wogan's Heroes don't condone that kind of behavior and have wiped this blog of his work. He will no longer write here, but I, Happysunshine Nothingswronghere, will be taking his place. Don has been banished to the netherworld, but I hope to continue bringing you quality homages to outstanding work.
Don asked to post this goodbye that explains his absence:

"Don't be mad at me, I'm just the messenger," my friend said.
But it was too late.
Few people have seen my temper, but it's a hard thing to forget. My best friend Steve could see my anger rising and had taken the brunt of it in the past. He decided to spare our friend and get me out of there before too much damage was done.
Despite Steve trying to talk me out of my anger, the more I thought, the madder I got. It reminded me of a time during my childhood when I got mad when threatened by a big bully.
"You'll be sorry," the bully said.
All I wanted to do was make him sorry. The bully couldn't take a joke and I didn't understand why he was mad.
I went too far in my anger and acted rashly, just as I could see myself doing now.
Damage has been done in my anger and I sadly must take leave from my favorite admiration.
I apologize to those I have offended, but I think back to something my father always used to tell me:
"Walk it off."

Wow again

After the events of today, I am a silly goose.

But I am still so sorry.

Sorry

I am so sorry.

anticipation!

i can already sense it in the air.